ANDREW MAHER: SKILLS REQUIRED WHEN INTERNING

Posted by Mike Rigby

We loved receiving this tongue-in-cheek request for an internship this week. Graduate, Andrew Maher decided an amusingly different approach would be to make a virtue of the skills required to ‘get the coffees in’. Of course we’re don’t run the kind of studio that treats interns this way, but we appreciate the humbleness of the humor all the same. We also appreciate the effort. Thanks Andrew.

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#1 Breathing:
One of the most essential skills to living also applies to the art of acquiring coffee. It becomes a more difficult task if other skills featured throughout this book are used in conjunction (skill 2 and 3), however it should be noted that I am adept at doing this while doing many other things at the same time. Wide open mouth and breathing with the diaphragm offer optimum performance. It is recommended that this technique only be used in situations outside of areas with other people, the preferred being; cool face, nose exhaling/inhaling.

#2 Walking
Another skill essential to fetching coffee. It should be noted that this will be common among many intern applicants however I walk with style, pretending that every street is a catwalk, and every crossing Abbey Road.

#3 Running
Again, many applicants will exhibit this skill also. I have the ability to run so fast that the background becomes a blur, all while maintaining a steady grip on coffee.

#4 Queuing
I’m so good at queuing I can get a coffee from a Dick-Smith (Hardware store). In fact I’m so good at queuing I can queue without a queue (a technique that must be practiced, as queues don’t tend to exist in Canberra – nor do people.)

#5 Many coffee hands
Andrew ‘coffee hands’ is my middle name. A maximum of 6 coffees can be securely held within my fingertips, as long as they are protected by insular covers, otherwise I can’t carry those things!  This also reflects my innate ability to multi-task, a trait mythologically attached to only women.

#6 Busking
Busking for coffee is an uncommon form of busking. Not even acknowledged by the most indy of indy kids. Restrictions of this activity include: only being allowed to play “Pick me up Before you Go-Go”, “Coffee and TV” and “Coffee Shop”.

#7 Defending coffee from broke hipsters
If ever you find yourself in a hipster populated locale (usually JB Hi-Fi) you will also discover that they fiend for coffee. You should avoid this situation at all costs. However there is an escape, thanks to the skills bestowed upon me by Bear Grills I know how to get through this most controversial of situations – run to the Spice Girls section and scathe the hipsters under the glare of their album covers. It’s like sunlight and vampires, only more dangerous, as sweet coffee is at risk.

#8 Break dance battling for coffee
You got served… coffee.

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You can follow Andrew here.

Posted on Friday, May 20th, 2011 at 11:04 am by Mike Rigby. Filed under 1ST YEAR DESIGN, 2ND YEAR DESIGN, 3RD YEAR DESIGN, CREATIVE THINKING, DESIGN. Follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.